Keeping a promise

Though I would have liked it more than anything, I was not there at home, to help my toddler get ready on his first day at school. I was not there to click his photographs after he wore his crisp new uniform first time ever or did not drive him to school. In spite, I was on the other side of the picture... I was waiting for him at the school. Which is, let me confess, not half as much fun. However, being a teacher, I could not have missed school on the first day of the new session; there were a room full of kids waiting for me.
When my friends fretted over their kids on their first day in school, I would always think they were going overboard with their emotions. Now I know. And now, I correct myself. Fretting over a child's little glories form a big chunk of a mother's birthright. As I got reports from my colleagues about my son's first day (howling around and utterly inconsolable), I started looking at the school from my son's point of view. Suddenly, I was Alice, changed into a tiny being and the school, a monstrous entity with a gang of crying toddlers and unfamiliar faces. My heart skipped a beat and a bunch of butterflies fluttered in my stomach. I started hating education, the system, the discipline, the fresh smelling books, the new set of matching water bottle and lunch-box, the uniform and everything else. I just wanted to hug my child, wipe his tears and tell him "Let's go home".
But of course, I could not do any of these. I kept worrying from a distance, waiting for reports that he'd settled down. It was a new beginning for both of us. He came to terms with it fast enough... I am still trying. Soon, he'll make friends and will get used to school. He'll also get used to being on his own and staying away from me. And that, precisely, is what I'm afraid of.
My greatest fear is being left alone. And this nightmare has been true in many occasions,  being a lone child, Dad passing away before I could finish college, staying in hostels, being married to an army man: my "holiday hubby". So, when I held my little bundle of joy first time ever in my arms, my thoughts were, "From now on, I will never be alone."
Seeing my son go to school made me realise that I won't be able to hold on to my son's companionship for long. I have to let go...for he will have his own dreams to follow. I promise, I will let him do that. I promised to let him grow on his own and learn on his own. I had to put him to the grind of school, but I will not grind him for grades and results. Will I be able to do that? Will I be able to guide my little one to the right track without putting pressure? He is already comfortable with the new beginning .... I am nervous and still trying....